The Life, Times, Writings, of Inhopeless

A young adolescent

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I've always wanted a girlfriend. According to Facebook, I do
inhopeless
 For the first time in 4 months I logged into my Facebook.

Therein, greeted me a wondrous surprise. "Hey Hopey! I heard you got a gf?" screamed a message from one of my friends.

You see, it's a good thing someone noticed. Problem is, I don't have a girlfriend. Not that I wanted one, I do. But this is rather strange. Nothing could express the delight or pain.

Possibly I had been set up on a blind date and I never remembered it? Nonsense. Who would set me up on such a date?

Maybe I had a girlfriend and someone saw us, but then I got amnesia and she never called? Nope. I don't know my own phone number, so how would I give it out?

AHA! Maybe it was a promotional stunt? Maybe my friend was forced to ask the question for a million pounds? That's implausible. The guy's family subsists on his father's wages solely. He wouldn't need more money.

So I replied...

"Who told you...?" I thought this would elict a response.

"Well done mate." He said. Finally. Maybe he did win a million quid.

"You didn't deny the fact!"
Crap.

"How long you been going out?"


I had to respond quickly.

"Two days."

"oh. That's great."   Phew. Got myself out of that. But I wanted to end the conversation about it. I'm a terrible liar, and it'd suck for me to lie more.

"We... uhh... broke up."

"What? After two days?"

"Yeah. Yeah."

"How?"

Crap. Oh crap. I had to come up with something! I typed several things into the message box (without pressing send). "She got burned in flames." No, too stupid. Women can withstand fire. "I slept with her sister." No, that's wrong. This girl does not have a sister... oh crap. In a moment of weakness, I decided to put my one flanderised trait into the message box. My brain went into autopilot.

"I disrespected her clothing. I claimed that 'her fashion choices' were terrible.

They were. Green does not go with red.

Also, she stole my jacket."

The two most lamest excuses in the world. I headdesked so hard at that. What was I thinking? I needed to write a follow-up to that. Something that could...

"It only lasted for... 27 hours. Luckily, even I - Mr. Desperate - knew she was not for me, so it was great anyway. No hard feelings at all.

Also, I added you on Twitter."

Perfect. A quick slide comment, and then disarm with the Twitter thing. Awesome. The guy knew that I was one of the only people in our group at school without a girlfriend in his past. I smiled at my achievement. Then I facepalmed at it.

But the new message symbol popped up.

"Shame bro. You ok tho?"

Phew. That was close. I had saved my skin.

"Dude, I'm fine. Seriously. She was totally not right for me. She was not me. Yeah, she was pretty, smart, but she didn't make me laugh, or anything. She was not right for me." I wrote that? God on Earth... even I now that making you laugh on a first date is an implausibility.

"Well, sounds terrible mate. Alright, good to know you're okay. You coming to 6th form next year?"

Mission accomplished. He changed the subject for me! Brilliant!









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